Breakups

This is kinda heavy for a second post but a friend and I were discussing it the other day and it got me thinking.....

What does it mean if a couple breaks up or a friendship falls apart?

Personally I'm of the the opinion that everything which isn't enduring is nothing. I guess that's sort of a sweepingly pessimistic statement. My friend replied to it by saying that most things in life aren't enduring. I had to admit that was true but I think there's truth in my statement as well. People tend to portray love as being unstoppable, indomitable, able to overcome and prevail over all obstacles placed in it's way. I guess deep down I must somehow entertain this notion because if a relationship falls apart permanently I feel that somehow it must have been inherently flawed from the beginning.

Can you really call it love in it's truest form if it dissolves completely in a year, 5 years, 20? The true test of anything is time hence a love that falls apart is as worthless as if it had never existed.

On the other hand? Can any experience be entirely worthless insofar as they come to define who we are as a person? Even bad experiences can chasten us, refine us, teach us something...

A certain poet says "If there was something to remember there was nothing to regret." When I'm hurt by any life experience I like to pretend that's true. It makes me feel better even if deep down I can't fully believe it. It's a cathartic little indulgence to allows one self for a while.....

"For a while" are the operative words here because I can see how anyone who really believed this could spiral out of control and eventually self-destruct. That's ultimately what would happen if we as humans would stop qualifying/making value judgments about experiences and then shifting our actions in an effort to experience as much good as possible and avoid all bad. That quote encourages us to view experience with a certain numb neutrality that would leave a person either incredibly wounded in the end or totally jaded.

So what's the answer here?

As in most cases I think it lies somewhere between both camps. Life can't be a total free for all- we can't adjudge all experience and therefore the blind, unbridled pursuit of it to be good in and of itself.

On the other hand we can't curl up in a fetal position and hide from life be cause we're too afraid of experiencing something bad. Nor can we look upon every bad experience as valueless. There's truth and falsehood in both views.

I think, though, depending upon a person's disposition they'll find themself leaning more in one direction than in the other......